⚠️‼️Content Warning‼️⚠️
This post contains personal experiences related to bullying, the juvenile justice system, intimate partner abuse, and illness. Please read at your own pace and take care of yourself as needed. If you or someone you love are experiencing bullying or domestic violence please visit the sites linked below.
This Is Not the Life I Imagined — But It Is the Life That Shaped Me
There are versions of myself I miss — the woman I was before motherhood asked me to be everything, all at once. I didn’t know then that I would have to grieve her, fight to find myself again, and learn how to exist alongside the weight of loving children with complex needs.
I want to take you along so you can understand who she was… and who she became.
The Years That Shaped ME
I grew up an only child, surrounded mostly by adults. The few kids my age in our family lived miles away. When I started school, social interaction didn’t come easily to me. I was quiet. Shy. The kind of kid who only spoke when spoken to.
I was also the youngest in my class, starting kindergarten early. That difference made me a target. Bullying followed me for years, shaping how I saw myself and the world around me. School became something I endured, not enjoyed.
When my family moved to Mid-Michigan, I was 9, everything changed. I finally found friends. The safety a child should feel at school. I had finally learned what it felt like to belong.
That early pain stayed with me, though — and it taught me something important: kindness matters. I lived by the golden rule because I knew what it felt like to be on the receiving end of cruelty.
As I grew older, I became the kid who spoke up for others. The one who couldn’t stand by when someone was being humiliated. Even when it got me into trouble — because sometimes doing the right thing isn’t rewarded.
Losing My Way Before Finding It
High school was complicated. Moving schools, searching for belonging, and wanting so badly to fit in led me to choices I’m not proud of. I learned the hard way what guilty by association really meant.
One mistake — being in the wrong place at the wrong time — resulted in legal consequences that changed my teenage years forever. Probation. Community service. Courtrooms instead of classrooms.
I was angry. Rebellious. Lost.
And yet, even in the midst of it all, something inside me wanted more. I didn’t want that life. I didn’t want to keep hurting the people who loved me most — especially my family.
Eventually, I turned things around. Slowly. Imperfectly. But intentionally.
Finding My Purpose Through Pain
During my senior year of high school, my grandmother — my rock — was diagnosed with stage 4 lymphoma. Watching her fight, watching the medical teams care for her with compassion and dignity, changed me.
That experience planted a seed.
I wanted to help people,
to be part of something that mattered.
I wanted to work in healthcare.
After graduation, I enrolled in college, working full-time while completing prerequisites. For the first time in a long time, I felt proud of myself. I was focused. Driven. Building a future.
What I Shed to Survive
Not every chapter of my story is easy to tell.
I found myself in a relationship that slowly stripped away my sense of safety and self-worth. Manipulation. Control. Fear. Moments that should never be part of anyone’s love story.
Eventually, I got out. Not easily. Not cleanly. But I got out.
And in doing so, I proved something to myself: I was stronger than I thought.
What I Built to Thrive
I was ready to rebuild my life. In December 2014, I met the man who would become my husband. What started unexpectedly became something solid, safe, and real.
Motherhood followed rather quickly.
I became a stepmom. Then a mom. Then a mom again.
And somewhere between loving deeply, managing chaos, advocating fiercely, and surviving diagnoses that would later change everything — I lost sight of myself.
I became everything for everyone else.
And forgot to ask what I needed to survive.
Why I’m Here Now
Because I know what it’s like to pour until you’re empty.
I know what it’s like to be strong when you’re breaking.
and I know what it’s like to love your children fiercely — and still feel lost.
This is where I reclaim myself.
And where I want you to do the same.
If you’re walking a hard road…
When life doesn’t look the way you imagined…
Or you’re holding everything together and quietly unraveling at the same time…
You belong here.
You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them.
-MAYA ANGELOU
If this post stirred anything heavy for you, take a pause, take a breath, and know you’re not alone.
Author Note
Hi, I’m Amber — a mom, medical assistant, and the heart behind MommaMattersToo. I created this space for parents — especially moms — who are navigating life with children who have complex needs, unexpected diagnoses, and journeys that don’t follow a traditional path.
Here, you’ll find honest stories, gentle encouragement, and realistic self-care for moms who give everything and are learning how to refill their own cup, too. My hope is that this space feels safe, validating, and reminds you that you matter just as much as the people you care for.
I’m really glad you’re here.
